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marti jeffers

I have recently stopped my sleep medications, prescribed when my husband recently died and I was dealing with the unreality, fear and pressures of those first few weeks.

So the very first night I dreamed of him.

In my first dream about Lewis I am in the middle of a catastrophe in which I have driven (perhaps plowed would be the better word) my car into a strange basement and I am trying to rearrange basement clutter so I can turn my car around and get back up the way I came in. He suddenly and unexpectedly comes to my side saying I have a phone call, handing me a cell phone to my ear. I am at first upset that he is doing this and catching me at such an inopportune moment. Suddenly I realize he is there with me and stop to look at him and am filled with longing. I go to him and he gathers me into his arms. I wake up feeling the comfort of his embrace.

Two nights later we are in another dream, playful and enjoying each other’s company. I have on some roller skates and am plowing to gain traction and he is watching me take off.

And then two more dreams in which 1) I am with my son and I am feeling protected in his presence 2) I am driving with my son across a gorge on a narrow space and the road beneath our tiny vehicle suddenly disappears. He warns me that we are losing traction. We breathtakingly make it to the other side. My notebook computer is hanging precariously on the ledge nearby.  I wake up as he is reaching down to fetch the notebook…hoping he has secured it for me.

I wonder if this has to do with the fact that so much of our family history is stored on the notebook. A plethora of family pictures, letters, and other important legal documents.

I have now had one good, good long night’s sleep without those pills.

My ability to enjoy life is beginning to restore itself.

Kuroshio Sea – 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world – (song is Please don’t go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

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Joan of Arc

I know this now. Every man gives his life for what he believes. Every woman gives her life for what she believes. Sometimes people believe in little or nothing yet they give their lives to that little or nothing. One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. And then it is gone. But to sacrifice what you are and live without belief, that's more terrible than dying.--

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July 2009
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Beannacht

On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.

And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.

John O'Donohue, Echoes of Memory